I spend a lot of my time rehearsing speeches and conversations. It can be a highly distracting and frustratingly immersive exercise – especially since in many cases it seems more compulsion than desire that drives me to do it – yet, ultimately, I consider it to be a highly beneficial way of preparing for social situations, arguments, and, indeed, lessons.
When I say rehearsing, I don’t mean sitting down with a written text and practising and memorising the words, but rather running through a simulated conversation or lecture in my head, as though I were engaged in a conversation or addressing an audience. I do this all the time – walking down the street, running, sitting on the train and bus, lying in bed, eating, showering, sitting on the toilet – you name it, I’m almost always rehearsing a conversation or speech when my mind isn’t actively engaged with another task.
It often begins with rethinking a conversation I’ve already had or a lesson I’ve taught and determining how I might have better made a certain point or explained something. In this case I’ll review the words I used at the time – I have an uncanny knack of recalling the exact phrasing – and determine what techniques, language, vocabulary, tone or structure would have better served the purpose. Sadly, the ability to recall conversations so accurately means that I frequently feel the profound embarrassment at past-howlers when I revisit them. It is also worth pointing out, especially for the sake of those who have experienced my absent-mindedness, that recall is based largely on level of engagement at the time. Apologies, therefore, for those occasions when I have not actively listened.
On rare cases where I think I nailed something the first time around – a line of reasoning, an explanation, a means of negotiating a difficult conversation – I’ll reward myself by recalling the conversation / lecture / speech and making note of what made it successful, impactful or persuasive, in case I might need to deploy a similar argument etc. in future. I also just plain enjoy language, and it is pleasing to feel that I produced something persuasive, effective, and, ideally, stylistically entertaining ; )
Another type of conversation rehearsal involves running through a hypothetical situation and allowing the conversation to play out. This does not merely include considering my own words, but also how my interlocutor might respond and how I might adjust my line of reasoning according to their various responses. These conversations needn’t be imminent, relevant or even likely to happen and could deal with past, present or future circumstances, which might be possible or otherwise.
I have often imagined conversations with my father; thinking of the things I might say to him and how he might reply, then running over and over my choice of words in this hypothetical so that my point is made as clearly, eloquently and sympathetically as possible. This might be a case of re-hashing a past dispute or imagining conversations that should have taken place, but never did. Often the desire to run through such hypothetical conversation is motivated by feelings of frustration or regret, yet even when I imagine angry conversations, I am inclined to focus on a reasoned line, not devoid of emotion by any means, but not overwhelmed by it. In my rehearsals, I’m always reasonable and considerate, even when angry, though this does not necessarily reflect how I behave in reality.
Another common form of rehearsal is for imagined instances of public speaking or lecturing. This could be on any topic – the importance of keeping the state secular; the lack of media diversity in Australia; the joys of photography; the pleasing nature of good concrete formwork… – literally, anything. When I go running, I often compose lectures on the significance of the music I am listening to – provided it is significant. Recently I found myself composing a lecture on the importance of Midnight Oil in the canon of Australian music, for providing both a distinctly Australian voice and vision that was not only radical in style and sentiment but also engaged so many young people in politics. The other day, the subject was “when metal was mainstream” – focussing on the popular success of bands such as Metallica / Megadeth / Guns & Roses in the late 80s, early 90s. This, perhaps inevitably, led me to consider how I might address the topic of Cold War visions of future dystopias – so prevalent in the 1980s…
The subject can, of course, be personal as well. A couple of years ago I spent some time imaging what I would say were I to make a speech at my 40th birthday, and came up with a variety of structures, angles and tones. I neither wanted nor intended to make a speech at my 40th, so the exercise might seem redundant, yet I consider it to have been useful as a means of keeping rhetorically fit. Also, narratologically speaking, it was an effective means of examining my life and putting things into context.
The benefit of rehearsing all these speeches and conversations is that should the moment finally arrive, I will feel well prepared to engage on the subject and have a line of reason or argument already prepped – including key catchphrases and ways of putting things that sound so neat you might think I rehearsed them… I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet on this front, rather to discuss the phenomenon, but it is fair to say that one of the skills I do have is being able to speak eloquently and intelligently. I firmly believe that in part, this ability comes from a life-long habit of conversation rehearsal. It is also fair to say that occasionally I lose my shit and go ape and swear and curse like a total and utter bastard and at those times, whilst I might feel the brief satisfaction of rage, I also feel the long, drawn out coda of shame in the aftermath. I can be very to the point when I’m angry – so much so that there is often no coming back from what has been said.
Either way, this conversation rehearsal has saved my butt on countless occasions, especially in relationships. When faced with a difficult emotional situation, I will spend hours and hours running through the conversation that must come and determining exactly how I must be persuasive, what points to take and what to concede, and what kind of language will be most placatory / plausible / convincing etc. The techniques follow the standard rule-book of rhetoric in many ways, so are hardly revelatory, but I certainly do recommend the benefits. Too often people go into situations unprepared and say things that cause permanent, irrevocable damage. Without rehearsing conversations, I would no doubt have been dumped much more swiftly in the past.
Rehearsal is especially good for break-ups, largely because harm-minimisation is key in this endeavour. It’s very important to be aware of the impact of even the most apparently neutral statements and how they might be received in a moment of heightened emotional intensity. Expect irrationality, expect volatility, but prepare reasonably and at least you won’t add fuel to the fire by accidentally insulting someone or lowering their self-esteem further.
Of course all this takes a degree of empathy and understanding of the other person that isn’t always available. Then again, most people fall within a recognisable range of emotional responses, so if something is going to upset most people, it’s also likely to upset the person you’re talking to. Conversations do need to be specifically tailored to the audience / interlocutor, yet a sound line of reasoning and well-thought out argument or explanation with its own internal logic is difficult to refute, and at least it gives you the benefit of having tried to be reasonable and not having said something unnecessarily inflammatory or hurtful. Of course, you won’t always get it right and might overlook something very important, but having rehearsed puts you in a better position than not having done so.
Last but perhaps not least, it is worth mentioning the conversations that take place with the inner voice. Rather like Gollum, I have lengthy arguments with myself and often subject myself to some terrible insults and accusations: “What the hell is wrong with you, dog, you useless piece of shit!?” Yet I also offer praise where praise is due, and the two voices – the good me and the bad me, tend to balance each other out. Whilst these aren’t strictly hypothetical situations I am rehearsing, and more akin to internal arguments, often it’s this good me and bad me who end up being the two characters in a hypothetical conversation. The bad me is totally immoral, insensitive and crass – the good me is disciplined, formal, polite, passionate and sensitive. These two character types make for useful actors in a Socratic-style dialogue on, let’s face it, any bloody thing you can think of.
So, to conclude, I do indeed recommend rehearsing conversations when possible. Ideally you won’t suffer from a similar compulsion to do it at all times, but it does have its benefits when faced with negotiating a tricky situation, especially one where emotions are involved.
Are you a teacher or a public speaker?
I teach English Literature in a tutoring college to high school students after school, and also teach English as a second language to foreign students, though the habit of rehearsal long predates this : )
You have articulated the expression of making the speach, lecture etc inherent, as it it has come to us by birth. This is what i believe in. One should not practice and memorise the words before giving a speach or lecture. It has to come out eloquently which happens only when we made it inherent.
gracias ¡es tan hermoso!
Thank you for being so concise and objective. I think I will try your method. I am terrible at the art of conversation and maybe this way I might learn a few things.
So glad to know I’m not the only one who does this…constantly. I play out all the scenarios and reactions. Sometimes while driving to work, I’ll find myself verbalizing. I’m always comforted by the fact that people always tend to act more rational than I envision.
Your rehearsals make a lot more sense to me than what I’ve been doing lately, which is backtracking. That’s good for anticipation, but then I get stuck there in the past wondering why this person said this or that in response. I am Gollum too much of the time so I stop rehearsals and move in another direction. I’m going to follow your idea of preparation.
I am glad to see I am not insane. I to rehearsed my lessons in my head and practiced them as if I had an audience in front of me. Of course, being a middle school teacher I did the same lesson for five times and five audiences on the same day. But I rehearsed,should I pause here or there, emphasis this word or that word. It drove me to distraction. I would sometimes walk down the hall in that trance like state and not hear what people were saying. If doing these blogs I find myself rehearsing in my mind what I am going to put on paper. In fact I can not type as fast as my mind and many times make mistakes. People must think me all over the place.
The rehearsal embellish the reality we are facing – voice the silence and thus force to ponder deeper each word we have suppressed then – wake up the consciousness
http://arthiker.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/gratitude-knows-no-past/
I do the same thing! My habit is fueled by my love for words and the fact that I never seem to get my point across effectively and succinctly when I don’t have pen and paper in hand. I am constantly editing and revising both pre- and post-conversation.
Excellent post and something I can relate to. I often have conversations with myself and rehearse different ways of responding to certain “hypothetical” arguments, such as an argument with a friend, a class discussion or even a public speech. I enjoy language and think it’s a power tool, however, my written words are better than my spoken. I can write a strong persuasive speech, or think up a witty, sensitive response, but my delivery is a work in progress. Still trying to overcome my nerves! But again, great post, and thanks for sharing!
Great post! Thank you for that!
Indeed, I found the examination of past interactions with people extremely helpful to grow personally. Grab your hands on How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and examine your day to day life afer the principles described in this book and – I guarantee you – your life will not be the same.
I–much like the other commenters–am glad to know that I am not alone in this world. My friend expressed that he sees oddity in what I (we) do, but you’re right. It does help with daily interactions. A list of speaking points and a well-prepared script really does determine how conversations–and the mood for the day–would go. I think that I’ll brush up on rules of rhetoric, though, as I tend to forget using them.
I practice for my exams by giving my own versions of the lectures to the audience in my head. If there are any glaring gaps in my lecture, awkward pauses, or skeptical looks from my “students” I know I have to study more. It’s also how I organize my research papers. Most of them don’t make much sense when read out loud and thus require some reworking. As for social rehearsals, I tend to get so lost in these that I have trouble initiating the conversations I want to have.
Thanks to everyone for reading this and for your comments – I’m glad you found it interesting, and glad to see my suspicions confirmed that many others have similar habits! All the best and welcome to new subscribers : )
Interesting! it must be compulsive what you do, with advantages no doubt. It indeed would be interesting to read more about this subsequently over the years.
Reblogged this on Brainbrizzle's blog.
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I have great conversations and even arguments with myself … and to be honest there are so many boring people out there if it’s more entertaining in my head I go there 🙂
I teach my clients to do this. Rehearse an interview ,exam anything they are afraid of and then on the day their brain recognises it as familiar and handles any situation with ease. That’s the idea anyway as long as they don’t get stuck rehearsing and never actually performing. Found this really interesting. Thanks.
I do the exact same thing. I still live with my family, and often they will ask who it is I’m talking to. Thankfully, no one is worried about the ravings I have in my little corner.
I do this too, especially when I’m alone in my car. The problem is, when the actual conversation comes around, I either sound “rehearsed” or else I end up just spilling my guts all over the place no matter how much I rehearsed. Sigh.
Congrats on the FP!
And I thought I was the only one who does this! I’m so glad and relieved I guess to know that there is someone out there who thinks this is normal. Yay for that!
Having rhetorical conversations is definitely a great “meditation” exercise that allows me to be more aware of certain situations, and I think it’s helping me a lot.
Actually this sounds quite familiar to me, I happen to do exactly the same. Especially before presentatios, mainly because it makes me less nervous.
Great Post!
Reblogged this on baibingblog and commented:
Thanks, really enlightening !
I do the same! Glad it’s not just me, and good to read about the positives of it
Owsom, fups i didn’t rehaerse. can we reahearse after if being eloquent ?
Some people are just more naturally led to critical inquiry, some study it? It is so important to help people learn to think things ALL the way through with their BRAINS and BOOKS and learning from people with skills. Thanks for your input!
You should meet my sister Harmony by the way…? Smart men love to talk her ear off….
Reblogged this on ottos world.
I enjoyed your post, especially in recognising so many of the habits you describe. I do a lot of this type of ‘rehearsing’ as well, and am often accused by other of talking to myself or being a bit nutty!
Reblogged this on My Blog.
Hello, I am new to the blogging world. I see that you have a good audience on your blog. I am an author and I just published my autobiography. I self published so I need to market it on my own. I want to raise awareness about my book so that it can reach and impact as many people as possible. If you can put this on your blog for your readers I would greatly appreciate it. I see that you have quite the following and it would really help if I had somebody with experience to help me promote my book. Thank you!! If you can even go to my blog and ‘reblog’ my post about my book that would be awesome thank you so much!!
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No worries about posting comment, but I don’t re-blog stuff. Good luck, and thanks for not just sticking your link in the comments section which is not acceptable : )
Reblogged this on RootedbyTheBlended.
Wow! Thank you! I have never heard anyone else express the extent of their internal dialogue before, but I do that too. I’m very strongly auditory in terms of learning style (I don’t have mental pictures of anything), and I never really considered how much time I spend “talking to myself.” I know it’s a little on the abnormal side, but apparently I’m not crazy (whew!). I also have an unusual ability to recall conversations and phrasing (depending on the level of involvement). I never thought of it as rehearsing, but that is partially accurate.